Update for Korea Families

Dear AAC families,

I’d like to share a quick update on recent happenings in Korea.

Last week, AAC was informed that 4 of our families’ files have been submitted to Ministry of Health and Welfare (MOHW) for EP approval.  All of these families were matched with their children early in 2012 and are part of the first group filing for the 2013 exit quota.  After the files are approved by MOHW, they will be presented to the Korea family court for review.

On Friday May 31^st, three AAC families had their hearings at the Korea family court.  Here is a copy of an email I received from one of the families describing their experience:

It (the court hearing) wasn't as bad as we expected.  There was one judge and we sat the whole time.  Christie was there as our translator and the Director of Eastern, Mrs. Kim, came into the courtroom as well.  The questions they asked us were: 

•            Why did we choose to adopt from Korea? 

•            Do we know anyone that has adopted from Korea? 

•            Did we get to meet our son? 

•            After meeting him, what was our experience and do we still want to proceed with his adoption? 

•            How long have we been waiting? 

•            Are we going to make sure he will be a US citizen? 

•            What we both did for a living?

•            Are we staying in country for the duration? 

The whole thing took about 10 minutes.  We spoke to other families and they were asked pretty much the same questions.  The judges were very surprised at how long all the families have been waiting.  We felt very positive after we came out of the courtroom and it seemed like they wanted to expedite this process.

Korea was wonderful and we had such a great time.  I can't wait until we hear word on our court approval and we can go back to get him.  We are hoping to travel in the next couple of weeks. 

~Paula

  

Our staff will return from Korea at the end of the week.  I’m looking forward to hearing more about their trip!

Also in the news last week was the announcement that Korea has signed the Hague Adoption Convention. This is the first step for South Korea in becoming a Convention partner.  There is no set timeline for the ratification and implementation of the Convention.  You may check for updates through www.adoption.state.gov.  We have no way of knowing what impact (if any) this may have on the overall timeline of the adoption program.

Korea has been moving toward Hague compliance for some time and we expect a relatively smooth transition.  AAC experienced the same type of Hague transition when China became a Hague partner a few years ago. 

I hope to send more updates after our staff gets back to the office and settled in a bit.  Stay tuned!

Best wishes,

Regina

PS. All the families that had their court appearance on May 31st have their court approval and are now in the 14 day waiting period!!! 

So Close......

Ladies and Gentlemen,

We are soooo close to our goal for the Orphan Care Campaign! Many of you know that we set a goal of $100k by June 1st and it would be matched penny for penny.

Well as of yesterday we are at $84,166.00!!!! That is 84% of our goal met in a month! 

Can I hear a WAHOOOOO!?.....





Thank you to all that donated.


We still have time if you want to donate and help us meet that goal!


You can donate through the paypal link below or send in a check to AAC. All donations are tax deductible!!

Donate now to the 2013 Orphan Care Campaign!

Update on our 2013 Orphan Care Campaign

Hi Everyone!

We are just trotting along with our campaign.

Drum roll please.......
dadadadadadadad

We have met 82% of our goal so far!! Which means we have raised almost $82,000 not including the matching funds!!!

We still have a bit to go though. We need to raise another $18,000 in 15 days!

Can you help us meet this goal?

Please click the donate button below or you can send a check to: AAC Adoption & Family Network  PO BOX W, Berthoud CO 80513

Remember: Any amount will help!!! 





To read more about the campaign please check out the blog posted here.

2013 Orphan Care Campaign!!

Dear Friends of AAC,

AAC has partnered with Eastern Social Welfare Society (ESWS) bringing families together through adoption since our inception in 1994.  Located in Seoul, South Korea, ESWS was founded “to feed the hungry, to clothe the bare, and to help children in need of warm and loving homes.”  Through the years, ESWS has seen many changes to Korean adoption, but none has been more challenging than the repercussions from the enactment of Korea’s Special Adoption Law of 2012.

The new adoption law, while intending to protect the rights of children and birth mothers, has inadvertently created confusion and delays in the adoption process both domestically and internationally.  Korea has not allowed any children to leave country for their adoption since August 2012. 

A large portion of ESWS’s yearly budget goes directly to costs related to foster care and food, clothing and medical needs of the children.  Childcare costs have risen dramatically and their foster care system is stressed.  ESWS currently oversees 350 children placed in 250 foster homes in and around Seoul.  They also care for more than 60 infants in the baby hospital located at their headquarters.  These babies are waiting for foster placement, but none is available.  These babies are out-growing the cribs originally built for younger infants.  For the children’s safety, ESWS needs to update their facility with new, larger cribs.

The New Cribs

So how can we help? That's easy - through the financial support of people like you. As an advocate for adoption, or an adoptive parent yourself, you understand the important work that ESWS is doing! Would you help us support our friends through this difficult time with a generous tax deductible donation? With this donation, you will help finance desperately needed supplies and medical care for the orphaned children in ESWS’s care.

A friend of AAC has offered to match funds for the first $100,000.00 raised to benefit ESWS.  Please help us match this substantial offer!  We would love to meet this goal by June 1, 2013.  You can donate by mailing your check (made payable to AAC) to AAC, PO Box W, Berthoud CO  80513. You can also call in to AAC with a credit card (subject to 2% transaction fee) or even donate through the below Paypal!!  Thank you in advance. We appreciate your help!

Sincerely, 

Marissa Bebo

AAC Executive Director

PS- If you’d like to help, but feel limited in what you can send, even $10 will buy diapers for one child for a month!  Please help in any way you can.

Donate now to the 2013 Orphan Care Campaign!

Friday Feature: Beau

DOB: April 2008

This cutie is Beau, he is 5 years old. He likes playing games and playing outside. He is a very curious little guy and very outgoing.

Beau has dwarfism (suspected due to his stature) and a right lip cleft and palate that has been repaired. He is very active and introverted guy at times. He loves to share his toys with the other children.

If you would like more information about this child, please fill out a preliminary application by clicking on the drop down menu above entitled "Adoption"  and selecting "Application" at AACAdoption.com.  Please mention the child's name in the comments section. The application fee is waived for all Waiting Child inquiries.

Feel free to contact our office by phone 970-532-3576 or email info@aacadoption.com

Wednesday Wisdom: To Bring or Not to Bring... That was the question

A couple weeks ago we posed a question to our Facebook families. 

When going to pick up your new child in China should you take your other children with you? Yea or Nay and why?

We had many responses to the pros and cons of traveling with your other children. Here are a couple of the highlighted points. Do you agree? 










VS.





Two of the biggest concerns that were brought up were: 

1. Bonding with new child: When taking your other child/children will that discourage your adopted child from bonding properly? Sometimes taking your other child/children actually helps the bonding process. Especially if the adoptive child has been used to living with other children in the orphanage. They might feel more comfortable with other siblings around. If your child has lived in a foster home it might be harder on them bonding if they are not the center of your universe for those few short weeks. 

2. Is the cost worth it?  The major cost of traveling and bringing your other child/children is going to be the airfare to and from the foreign country. Most hotels have a rate per family so that should not be an issue. Food and fun is going to be more but at some restaurants (even hotel restaurants) have age limits where a child under a certain age eats for less or even free. 

What our families are saying: 

Amy: I think it depends on the kids, their age, and their ability to travel. Also, the expense must be considered. We are taking ours on this trip but did not on our last adoption trip. There is no right answer.

Melody:  I think it is definitely different for each family and circumstance. We adopted twins and left our 6 year old at home. We loved having the time to bond and spend with the twins and we could not have done that with our older daughter. She would have been fine on the trip but it was best for us to spend the time with just the girls. If we had only adopted 1, we probably would have taken our older daughter.

Rachel:  I think it depends and is different for each family. We just brought home our 18-month-old daughter and had to leave our 3 and 4 year old sons at home. It was hard to be away from them but I can't imagine how difficult it would have been to travel with all three! We would have had to take someone else with us and the expense would have been so much more. We loved having one-on-one time with just our daughter before jumping back into the busy life with three little ones  For us I know this was the right decision for this time in our lives.

Janna: We have two very busy boys, 3 and 8. They stayed home with my husband and mom while my dad and I went. I missed them terribly and would have gone crazy without FaceTime. My boys would have had a very hard time in Nanchang, but would have been okay in Guangzhou. It would be easier to take them if we ever were to adopt again, because there wouldn't be so many unknowns. But I'd say it was definitely the right choice to go without them and was a special time I had with our daughter.

Dawn: We left our 5 year old at home with my parents. It was a long, emotional trip and I (even 5 years later) still feel it would have been too much for our older daughter. It also gave my husband and I some alone time to bond with our new daughter.

Ali: We left our two boys 10 and 8 at home so they would stay on their schedule and routine. This trip is not a vacation, and is emotionally taxing and physically taxing. Also it gives you time to spend with your adopted child one on one:)

Jillian: We were in china for 29 days (r/t a holiday and Asian games; govmt offices were closed), so ours was a vacation as well. It was pretty easy, no issues with crying or attachment. We even went to Chengdu and Beijing after we were done in Guangzhou. I did not feel like it was too emotionally taxing. I had a great time in china and our son was perfect. I'm usually on the go at home, so it wasn't much different, with the exception of having a new child with us, which is what we went for. I think he attached to us so well because we didn't do all the crying when we first saw him (crying scares kids). We were confident and not overbearing. He trusted us right away. We even went to his orphanage the next day, and he would no longer go to the same nannies that took care of him for 2 years. I made the trip fun with very little stress (thanks to planning and being flexible). My advice, don't stress, go with the flow, and be positive. Kids sense stress.
If I got another child from china, no doubt in my mind would we bring him with us. He will always go everywhere I go, I want him to see the world. That might be the difference though, mine IS from china. If money is an issue, my advice is to not take extra kids/family. If its not an issue, take them, it's a trip of a lifetime.
Alicia: We were so grateful to have our 4 year old son with us when we traveled for the adoption of our 2 year old son. Christian, our new son, was absolutely terrified of everything. The only time he would relax was when our 4 year old would pull out a toy and play with him. The experience was especially valuable for our 4 year old because up until that point he was starting to ask about being in my tummy (he is adopted also). After the adoption of his brother he told everyone how mommy and daddy had to fly to a faraway place to get him.

Eva:I would if it is financially possible. We took our 3 year old to adopt 15 month old and it helped great with attachment. She loved him right away and vice versa. This changed after 2 months and they fight now some:)

Rebecca: I agree it depends on each circumstance. I am so thankful that we took our 2 girls with us. They were 8 and 12. Cole was very afraid of my husband and I and wanted nothing to do with us. But he played with his sisters right away. He to this day had a very special place in his heart for his sisters and while he did come around it did help with the transition.He was able to see how they interacted with us and that helped tons. Plus, it was an awesome family experience to do together and I also think they appreciate where he came from.

Juleanne: Did it both ways and both times went great. Maybe just Depends on the family, child & situation.


SO DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? Yea or Nae? Do you have any suggestions for us on whither to take a child/children with you when going to pick up your new adopted child? 
Let us know! Join the conversation! Let us know your feelings on the question. 

My Story Monday: A Mother's Heart

"Before He furnishes the abundant supply, we must first be made conscious of our emptiness, before he gives strength, we must be made to feel our weakness. Slow, painfully slow, are we to learn this lesson; and slower still to own our nothingness and take the place of helplessness before the Mighty One."

I love the above quote by A.W. Pink. That really is where I have been lately.

We have been wonderfully blessed with the addition of our new daughter into our family. She is a beautiful, kind, gentle, affectionate girl who is aware of other's feelings and is sensitive to them. She is generous, funny, adaptable, helpful and has a strong desire to fit in and do well in her new life situation.

So it doesn't really make sense to me that this should be difficult.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to add to our family through the miracle of adoption. I know that this stirring is something placed there by the Lord. Although I am smitten by the sweet babies waiting for a mommy's arms to hold them, and often long for those arms to be mine, it is the older waiting child that has really grabbed my heart; the ones that watch babies and younger children go home to forever families, knowing that they have little chance of that happening for themselves.

Before bringing K home I did lots of reading and research. I followed other family's journeys as they brought their teens home. In my heart and mind I was prepared!!

And truthfully, I am surprised by how hard it is.

It's hard because even with all my preparation our reality does not really meet my expectations.

After meeting our daughter a year before bringing her home and receiving information about her from others who had met her, I had created an image of who I thought she was. Now that we have her home I realize that although my expectations were not unrealistic they did not do a good job of describing who our daughter is.

I expected that like other children I had read about she might have difficulty giving and receiving affection. I had imagined us cautiously showing her affection, starting with a small kiss on the head at bedtime and then marveling several months down the road when she had progressed to a place where we could give her a warm hug, a kiss on the cheek and tell her how much we love her.

Instead our daughter is very affectionate; sometimes indiscriminately so. She will hug most people she meets in a social setting, even if they are not people we know well. She seeks out physical affection throughout the day and often will compete with the younger children for mine or with me for my husband's. She wants tight embraces with full mouth kisses several times throughout the day. If my husband or I should sit on the sofa we are like a magnet. For me, who tends to be less physically affectionate, this has been hard. With three small children that require a lot of physical affection, K's neediness in this area, and my own deep rooted character traits, I find myself struggling to meet the demands. I am unsure of where the balance lies and if and where there is a line that should be drawn. I do not want our daughter to ever feel any rejection from us, but I also want this to be an area in her life where she recognizes what is appropriate and what is not. I am finding out that this is a lot more difficult when your child is 13 rather than 4.    

I knew the language barrier would be hard. I knew that K would not learn as quickly as Levi did. I also knew that it would not be as easy to communicate through body language as it was with a smaller child. I expected that this would be quite frustrating to K.

What I didn't expect is how frustrating this would be to me.  I didn't realize how much time it would require to stop and explain conversations to her in ways that she could understand. I didn't anticipate feeling so impatient when a concept that I think should be understood after a certain amount of time is not. I didn't think it would be necessary for me to remind myself so many times throughout the day to be patient, to be kind and to take the time to teach the idea or words again. I didn't realize how helpless I would feel, seeing certain behaviors that I would like to work on, knowing that we do not yet possess the language to do that in any kind of helpful or constructive way.

I knew that there would be learned orphanage behavior that we would not want introduced to our younger children. I imagined myself facing each one with the intense compassion that I felt toward my daughter in all of my imaginings of her. I pictured myself dealing with each one constructively with a strong desire to help her work her way out of learned behaviors that were in no way her fault for having developed.

What I didn't expect was to find myself feeling angry when those negative behaviors directly impact our younger children. I didn't anticipate myself taking up such a strong defense on behalf of the children that I have already had opportunity to attach and bond so strongly to. I didn't think that I would have to remind myself not to allow these feelings to show on the outside, that each child was mine, equally loved and committed to, and that my responses always need to reflect that. I never imagined myself having to be reminded to view my daughter with the compassion that I so strongly felt going into this.

I knew that adding to our family and especially through an out of birth order adoption would change the dynamics in our home, after all we had already done this once. When we brought our son home I loved watching our little girls adapt to this new situation. I loved watching them welcome L as their brother. I loved seeing the different character traits this brought out in each of them as they built their relationship with him.
I didn't expect that this new experience would be so unlike our first. Bringing K home has now changed these newly formed relationships between the three younger children. This is hard to watch. There is a new level of sibling rivalry that has been brought about as the little ones compete for K's attention. With K having a need to fit in and to be accepted, being the newest addition, these dynamics provide a perfect opportunity to bring out more negative character traits as she plays into this situation. As a mother with a strong sense of protectiveness for her little ones, it again brings about situations where I have to remind myself to not respond instinctively, but to be fair to each child, recognizing that there is a history of learned behaviors that contribute to the ones that I now must deal with.

I expected that K would have institutional delays and that she would probably act much different than her "real" age. I thought it would be endearing, and it was; for a while.

I wasn't prepared for how that would look on an emotional level or in social settings. Even though cognitively, I know that she is delayed, and that this is to be expected, I find myself often expecting more, thinking she should respond in situations as a 13 year old would or at least close to that. I didn't anticipate that the behaviors that we would be dealing with would be very much like the ones we are dealing with in the smaller children and just how frustrated this would make me "feel."

I do not share any of this to bring discouragement to anyone in the process or who might be considering the adoption of an older child. I also hope that I do not reflect a complaining attitude or any regrets. I do not have any. Our daughter is an incredible blessing to our family, who in spite of all of the challenges, adds joy to our lives.

Parenting is hard work. Parenting a child who has faced rejection and hurts that most of us are unable to comprehend is even harder. Each of these children is in need of a love that is often beyond what we are able to give. They need a level of commitment that is unbreakable and parents who are willing to work through the unique challenges that their adoptions will bring.

I have received an incredible amount of help on this journey through Karen Purvis' book "The Connected Child" and especially through the bible study guide available on their website. In the introduction to this study we are reminded that it is our strongest human desire to belong and that our goal as parents should not only be to bring about right behavioral responses, but to have our children involved in connected relationships. The goal of achieving desired behavior in our children, and particularly in K would not be so difficult. She really does have a strong desire to please us. A goal of achieving desired behavior, while developing in her a strong sense of connectedness and belonging is a much more lofty goal. It is one that requires a much more concentrated effort.

As her parents we must be willing and able to do that hard work. A lot of the time, I feel incredibly inadequate.

I was given a beautiful reminder the other day when a visiting pastor to our church spoke on Matthew 11:28-30. He first recounted to us how Jesus, as a carpenter, would have had the distinct job of fashioning farming implements, including yokes. He told us how each yoke would be fashioned to be a perfect fit for the oxen that it was designed for. If used properly this yoke would then make the work easier and the oxen would more effectively accomplish the task that was required of it. If the oxen chose to fight against the yoke, regardless of it's perfect design, it would cause chafing and discomfort.

What a beautiful picture of the perfect design of our own life experiences. If we will allow them to work in the way that they are intended, rather than struggling against them, the Lord can work more effectively in and through us to accomplish His purposes for our lives.

I needed this reminder last week as I struggled with guilt and condemnation at my own shortcomings. I needed to be reminded that the Lord is not surprised at any of the ugliness that remains deeply rooted in my own character, but rather that He has fashioned this current situation to help bring forth the fruit or godly character that he desires to see there in its stead. How I pray that I will learn to fully cooperate with Him, allowing Him to change me into the wife, mother and friend that He wants me to be.


Trying to do the Lord's work in your own strength is the most confusing, exhausting, and tedious of all work. But when you are filled with the Holy Spirit, then the ministry of Jesus just flows out of you.
Corrie Ten Boom