Adoption Learning Partners: Expert Advice on Your Top 5 Attachment Concerns

Live Webinar

Tuesday
February 25, 2014
7:00PM Central
Q&A: 8:00PM

Attachment is a process that can take time. Adoption often poses challenges to that process, leaving parents with concerns and questions.
If you’re concerned about your child’s attachment process with parents, siblings or peers, there are practical steps and ideas you can try at home right away. Or maybe you just want to know what’s typical and what’s adoption related.
Join Regina Kupecky as she discusses the Top 5 attachment concerns and what to do about them!

• Practical ideas for the top 5 concerns she hears from parents including bonding to siblings, parents and peers as well as what’s typical and what’s not
• Expert insights into attachment and attunement
• Advice on connecting with your child throughout their development

Submit your questions for us here or by tweeting them to @adoptiontweet using #ALPAttachTop5

PLEASE USE THE AGENCY CODE: F356AAC WHEN REGISTERING

"Are you sleepy yet?" Sleep Disorders with International Adopted Children

Is your new child having a hard time adjusting to a sleep schedule? 

Are they waking up every hour on the hour? 

Are they falling asleep during they day and not wanting to sleep at night? 


Are they (and you) sleep deprived and grumpy all day?





Are you ready to pull your hair out??? 


Don't worry. You are not alone. 

Parents are speaking out! 

Here are a couple articles and websites that we wanted to share with you that will hopefully get you through this stage in the child's life. 




Sleep Struggles Following International Adoption

Attachment Parenting International Website



Pam with Sunny Ridge Family Center in Illinois stated: 

"Sometimes something as simple as music, turning the TV on or using a white noise machine can create a similar atmosphere that the child may have been used to in the orphanage (or foster home).  Co-sleeping doesn't always have to mean “same bed”; it can mean a palette set up next to the bed, toddler bed right next to the parent’s bed.  I would also recommend Theraplay for assistance in the attachment and bonding process.  Depending on where they live, they might be able to locate a Theraplay therapist in their area-their institute is here in the Chicago area, but they have trained therapists all across the U.S. as well as other countries.  www.theraplay.org. "

Sleep Problems and Concerns 

Dori with The Cradle in Illinois stated:

"I suggest the webinar AreYou Sleeping  done by Julian Davies, M.D., a pediatrician at the University of Washington Adoption Clinic on Adoption Learning Partners. Very informative, entertaining and aware of separation/attachment issues that may be part of the sleep equation. 

  

I also really like Mary Sheedy Kurcinka' book, Sleeplessin America. She wrote your Spirited Child. Both are proponents of the one size does NOT fit all approach to sleep issues."

Join the discussion. Leave your comments below and help us help others. 

Wednesday Wisdom: To Bring or Not to Bring... That was the question

A couple weeks ago we posed a question to our Facebook families. 

When going to pick up your new child in China should you take your other children with you? Yea or Nay and why?

We had many responses to the pros and cons of traveling with your other children. Here are a couple of the highlighted points. Do you agree? 










VS.





Two of the biggest concerns that were brought up were: 

1. Bonding with new child: When taking your other child/children will that discourage your adopted child from bonding properly? Sometimes taking your other child/children actually helps the bonding process. Especially if the adoptive child has been used to living with other children in the orphanage. They might feel more comfortable with other siblings around. If your child has lived in a foster home it might be harder on them bonding if they are not the center of your universe for those few short weeks. 

2. Is the cost worth it?  The major cost of traveling and bringing your other child/children is going to be the airfare to and from the foreign country. Most hotels have a rate per family so that should not be an issue. Food and fun is going to be more but at some restaurants (even hotel restaurants) have age limits where a child under a certain age eats for less or even free. 

What our families are saying: 

Amy: I think it depends on the kids, their age, and their ability to travel. Also, the expense must be considered. We are taking ours on this trip but did not on our last adoption trip. There is no right answer.

Melody:  I think it is definitely different for each family and circumstance. We adopted twins and left our 6 year old at home. We loved having the time to bond and spend with the twins and we could not have done that with our older daughter. She would have been fine on the trip but it was best for us to spend the time with just the girls. If we had only adopted 1, we probably would have taken our older daughter.

Rachel:  I think it depends and is different for each family. We just brought home our 18-month-old daughter and had to leave our 3 and 4 year old sons at home. It was hard to be away from them but I can't imagine how difficult it would have been to travel with all three! We would have had to take someone else with us and the expense would have been so much more. We loved having one-on-one time with just our daughter before jumping back into the busy life with three little ones  For us I know this was the right decision for this time in our lives.

Janna: We have two very busy boys, 3 and 8. They stayed home with my husband and mom while my dad and I went. I missed them terribly and would have gone crazy without FaceTime. My boys would have had a very hard time in Nanchang, but would have been okay in Guangzhou. It would be easier to take them if we ever were to adopt again, because there wouldn't be so many unknowns. But I'd say it was definitely the right choice to go without them and was a special time I had with our daughter.

Dawn: We left our 5 year old at home with my parents. It was a long, emotional trip and I (even 5 years later) still feel it would have been too much for our older daughter. It also gave my husband and I some alone time to bond with our new daughter.

Ali: We left our two boys 10 and 8 at home so they would stay on their schedule and routine. This trip is not a vacation, and is emotionally taxing and physically taxing. Also it gives you time to spend with your adopted child one on one:)

Jillian: We were in china for 29 days (r/t a holiday and Asian games; govmt offices were closed), so ours was a vacation as well. It was pretty easy, no issues with crying or attachment. We even went to Chengdu and Beijing after we were done in Guangzhou. I did not feel like it was too emotionally taxing. I had a great time in china and our son was perfect. I'm usually on the go at home, so it wasn't much different, with the exception of having a new child with us, which is what we went for. I think he attached to us so well because we didn't do all the crying when we first saw him (crying scares kids). We were confident and not overbearing. He trusted us right away. We even went to his orphanage the next day, and he would no longer go to the same nannies that took care of him for 2 years. I made the trip fun with very little stress (thanks to planning and being flexible). My advice, don't stress, go with the flow, and be positive. Kids sense stress.
If I got another child from china, no doubt in my mind would we bring him with us. He will always go everywhere I go, I want him to see the world. That might be the difference though, mine IS from china. If money is an issue, my advice is to not take extra kids/family. If its not an issue, take them, it's a trip of a lifetime.
Alicia: We were so grateful to have our 4 year old son with us when we traveled for the adoption of our 2 year old son. Christian, our new son, was absolutely terrified of everything. The only time he would relax was when our 4 year old would pull out a toy and play with him. The experience was especially valuable for our 4 year old because up until that point he was starting to ask about being in my tummy (he is adopted also). After the adoption of his brother he told everyone how mommy and daddy had to fly to a faraway place to get him.

Eva:I would if it is financially possible. We took our 3 year old to adopt 15 month old and it helped great with attachment. She loved him right away and vice versa. This changed after 2 months and they fight now some:)

Rebecca: I agree it depends on each circumstance. I am so thankful that we took our 2 girls with us. They were 8 and 12. Cole was very afraid of my husband and I and wanted nothing to do with us. But he played with his sisters right away. He to this day had a very special place in his heart for his sisters and while he did come around it did help with the transition.He was able to see how they interacted with us and that helped tons. Plus, it was an awesome family experience to do together and I also think they appreciate where he came from.

Juleanne: Did it both ways and both times went great. Maybe just Depends on the family, child & situation.


SO DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? Yea or Nae? Do you have any suggestions for us on whither to take a child/children with you when going to pick up your new adopted child? 
Let us know! Join the conversation! Let us know your feelings on the question. 

Wednesday Wisdom: Two new webinars from Adoption Learning Partners!!

Top 10 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Parents Knew 

Tuesday, May 14 7PM Central
Q&A: 8PM
FEE: $15 or $18.50 (for certification)

Adopted people and adoptive parents don't always look at adoption the same way. Many of the challenges adoptees struggle with may be difficult for parents to understand and come to terms with. Both a parent's and a child's adoption experiences change over time, based on life events, ability to understand the circumstances, and new facts as they become available or are discovered.

Understanding your child's feelings about adoption is essential, so how do you gain some insight?

We've gathered a panel of adopted people, featuring adopted person, author and speaker, Sherrie Eldridge. Listen in and ask questions as they discuss:

• What they wish their parents had known
• Their feelings about loss, shame and anger and their love for their parents 
• What feelings they shared with their parents and what they kept to themselves
• What kept them from talking to their parents when they were younger and why

REGISTER

Brothers And Sisters In Adoption

A Discussion With The Experts

FEE: $10 (with certification)

Arleta James discusses helping children navigate relationships when new kids join the family. Our experts share transition tips and strategies for welcoming a toddler or school aged child home, focusing on preparing brothers and sisters prior to adoption and the first year after adoption.
Our experts will discuss:

• Transitioning new family members (sleeping, eating, culture)
• Preparing and integrating brothers and sisters
• Attachment and expectations
• How to make these strategies a part of your every day life

REGISTER

Wednesday Wisdom: On the Road through Adoption...

We posed the question to our adoptive parents: 

What is one piece of advice you would give to a family 

during the beginning stages of a new adoption??

Here are the responses that we got... 

Kay: Be patient, it is a wonderful experience, and an awesome feeling of becoming a parent of a wonderful child. 

Amber: Patience!!!

Carin: It's takes a LOT longer than you think it may--expect delays and bumps.

Wendy: Be prepared for obstacles so you are prepared to tackle them.

Rachel: Don't get overwhelmed by all you have to do...take it step by step, and one day you will find yourself at that wonderful step - meeting your child!!

Juleanne: Don't feel overwhelmed enjoy each step of the process as the end result is a blessing.

Shannon: Read, read, read. There are many wonderful books about attachment and adoption. Buy them, read them, and have them handy when you get home and have questions! Start to build a support network of other adoptive parents. These relationships are invaluable!

Ali: Take each day as it comes and lean on your supportive friends and family! Know that there will be a day when the long process will end and you will have your new child in your arms forever!

Lori: Pray. Expect the worst but hope for the best! DE-STRESS DAILY!

Jill: The waiting will all be a distant memory the moment you wrap your arms around your child.

• 
  
  
  Weigh in on the discussion!
  

  

  
  

Wednesday Wisdom: Traveling

Today's Wednesday Wisdom comes directly from you the readers. We know we have a lot of new travelers so this is a great time for this question. We asked our online friends:

What is one piece of advise you would give to a family that will be traveling soon?

Here are the answers we received:

Janna:I wish I had taken soup packets or noodles especially when I was sick there. I didn't know there was a water boiling pot in our hotels that would have worked.

 

Gloria: Pack light the one you bring home needs more packing space.

Alicia:My 2 yo son had a very difficult time traveling on the long journey home. I wish I had gotten something from my pediatrician to help him relax.

Shannon:Eat local! Lots! Don't be afraid to try everything. Take an extra bag, or be prepared to buy one in country - you will need the space on the way home!

Angela: make a movie of your town to show your child. It really helps with an older child.

Tiffany:  If it is an older child, buy local items. My son's favorite cartoon was Pleasant Sheep and Big Bad Wolf. I wish I would have purchased some of their books, toys etc. I did buy some small goods, like candy, and waited for special events like Christmas and gave it to him. After a year and a half of being home, he still enjoys the little surprises from China!


Joanna: Depending on the age/weight of child, a carrier (we had a Baby Hawk) is essential...we walked around Seoul with our little guy and the aisles of the plane to get him to sleep on the flight home from Korea. It also made him feel secure during all the airport times.Also! If you can, take a family member, to video and such and if you get sick, another person is really helpful.

Chrisa: The baby carrier was awesome to have. Cooler clothing for Guangzhou - we got really hot there. The strangest thing - my dad's bag broke and he lost his deodorant - none to be found in Korea or China...so just in case...And most important, don't scrimp on the hotel - you'll be spending quite a bit of time in it and you want to be comfortable and happy!

Juleanne: On all 3 of our Gotcha days while in China our girls would not wear any thing but the clothes they were given to us in. Our last daughter we took a layer off a day but she always want some piece of her clothing on her. We let all ours girls give up their clothing at their own pace. So much change for these little ones. My 3 year old told me a few months later, after she learned English, that they were her warm safe clothes.

Vicki: Time goes by so quickly...enjoy all the little moments that come with the joy of a new child! We went with our daughter, and we tried to enjoy every moment we were there! It was awesome! No Tums or Rolaids in Korea or China.

Brian:  Pack lots of ibuprofen.....after using up all of ours we could not find anywhere. And it seemed to be the only thing that brought our daughters fever down. Fortunately another family brought plenty.

Jennifer: Take an extra piece of luggage for the things that foster mom will send home with you. Also, for the flight/flights have your son or daughter drink or eat something at take off and landing. This will help with the ears to pop. Other than that, try the local cuisine and try to sight see while you're there. In Korea, the non-tourist restaurants are better. The Korean women will want to hold and feed your child so just take it with a grain of salt and know that they do that and be thankful for a small break. Have safe travels!

Ali: Take lots of snacks! While on our trip we didn't always have an opportunity to stop for lunch so snacks were very important. Take someone with you that will be a great emotional support. Bring assorted toys and plenty of outfits for your little one for different types of weather.

We hope this helps the future traveler get prepared! If you have more questions or would like more advice you can join our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/aac.adoption