-Shannon
Zaller
I
can laugh now- looking at my kids playing in the water sprinkler, jumping on
the playground, flying kites, digging in the sand, and getting ice cream all
over their faces- about how very little having a child with a special need has
affected our lives in the way we thought it would. It feels more like… just
having another child.
Like
everyone in the early stages of planning a China adoption, I thought that we
would be adopting a young healthy baby girl. No reason except that it was what
I had seen in the media my whole life. When we started calling around to
agencies, that’s the first time I had heard the term “special needs program”,
which, quite frankly, scared the heck out of us. And not only were boys
available for adoption, it was also considered a special need because less
people were even open to a boy than a girl.
So
we did the obligatory “check list”, which nearly every parent will tell you is
the worst part of the whole process. For us, it was a good time to do some
research. I printed up a long list of special needs common to adoption, many of
which I’d never heard of, and some which I had predisposed ideas about. Every
day I would google search two or three of those needs, and at least learn about
what they were- even the ones I thought I already understood. I didn’t
discriminate on the list of needs, because I knew that there are new treatments
available all the time. I learned loads about clefts, limb differences, HIV,
deafness, albinism, and hemophilia, just to name a few. And I found out most of
those aren’t really so scary at all. It took me about a month to skim over the
wiki version of the major special needs.
I
saw the face of our son on a waiting child site, but of course I didn’t know he
would be ours. I just thought he was the cutest thing ever. He was four, which
was older than I wanted. He was a boy, which surprised me. And he had a scary
special need: he was blind.
My
first thought: NOPE. We couldn’t parent a blind kid. We didn’t know a thing
about blindness. I’m messy. We live in a busy downtown with no blind school. I
assumed a blind child would have to live with me forever. But my curiosity got
the best of me, and I found myself asking parents of blind children, and
chatting with blind adults online about how it affected their daily
lives.
I
learned that all blind children can receive public education AND blind
instruction in whatever school they attend. That they learn cane and mobility
skills for free as well. They have refreshable tablets that let them scroll
facebook and read the internet. They can use iPads and iPhones because there
are built in applications that make them accessible. They are college grads and
professionals that are only limited to not driving their own cars (which is
changing with the invention of the Google car!).
We
did pursue his adoption. The chances that a boy over the age of 1 that has a
vision impairment will be adopted is among the lowest of all special needs. I
admit, I had a panic attack every week leading up to China, thinking that we
were taking on something too big. I still was a little nervous when we met him.
But he is not scared of blindness. He has changed my (unintended) preconceived
ideas of blind people. He joyfully greets everyone who walks into a room. He
loves the doctors appointments and we are currently putting his education plan
in place. And, much to my dismay, I have not become any tidier at my
housekeeping skills, because my son very skillfully can step right over my
horrible mess and piles of laundry, and his sibling’s toys everywhere. He has
so easily blended into our family.
We
learned when we came home that we cannot fix his eyes as we had hoped. I would
be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit sad that he won’t ever see my face or
his first child. But my son’s biggest special need was for someone to SEE him.
He has been the greatest joy for those that have met him, and he inspires
smiles and laughter in almost everyone. He has learned all the Beatles number 1
songs by heart. He likes to “watch” Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I have only had to
change my life in that I have an extra plate at the table and an extra bed in
my house. And we eat a little more rice now.
That
scary special need? Not so scary. Seeing my son crushing my ideas of “scary”?
Well… he’s pretty much the coolest and bravest superhero I’ve met!
